Lots to do today, so here’s a quick couple of things I wanted to mention before I forget.

1. I was in 7-11 yesterday when I noticed a man in his mid-20s walk in with twin boys who looked to be around 5′ish. Rather than walking over to the Slurpee machine like I figured they would. Instead, the man walked right to the magazine rack and started grabbing spank mags off the top shelf. The magazines, of course, were wrapped in plastic, so he just grabbed three or four and tucked them under his arm. Then to get an immediate fix, he grabbed a copy of FHM and flipped through it to take a look at the pictures of girls in their lingerie. I find myself noticing things like this more often now that I have my own little one on the way. I don’t think you’re ever going to find me taking my kid with me to the store to buy porn.
Best shirt ever.

2. I had a bizarre dream last night that I got hired by some cult leader to be her assistant (which, by the way, why do you never see a female cult leader?) Anyway, this woman got people to buy into the belief that like dust, we come from spaghetti and when we die to spaghetti we return. The dream centered on the cult leader making a big batch of spaghetti and meatballs, then sprinkling the ashes of two members in it. From there, she put the spaghetti in urns and turned them over to the distraught mothers of the deceased cult members. At the end of the dream, I got fired from my job because she caught me eating the the leftovers.

3. The mystery of last fall’s strange voicemail has finally been solved. You may remember me mentioning that I got a call at 3 a.m. around Thanksgiving time from a girl who I couldn’t identify. The caller ID said the number was restricted, which is why I didn’t answer. I didn’t feel like dealing with my friends drunk dialing me that night. So anyway, my voicemail message says “This is Rusty, you know what to do.” In response, the girl who left me a voicemail says “Hey Rusty, your message says “you know what to do,” but for some reason the other night you had no clue what you were doing, so, uh, maybe you might want to learn before you leave that kind of message. OK?”

So I mentioned this while hanging out with my old Republican friend and former Eastern Echo Opinions Editor last night when she started laughing and said she read that story here and had been determined to let me forever wonder. After a few cocktails, however, she reconsidered and told me that while at home in Cincinnasty she and her friends started drunk-dialing people one night after the bar. The mystery voice was a friend of hers from the Queen City who I’ve haven’t — and probably never will — meet. How anticlimactic.

4. At our hockey game last night, we had the pleasure of seeing my alma mater’s hockey team get smoked by Northville. They didn’t have hockey when I was in high school! How great would that have been? Also, I scored a goal, which in and of itself sounds good. When you look into it a little more, however, and realize that it was an empty net goal that I launched from the red line and went in with one second left, it doesn’t sound so glamorous. Also consider that it only served to pad our lead. Selah, the team we beat were a bunch of a-holes anyway, they deserved to have it rubbed in their faces.

5. My brother found the best shirt ever yesterday at the thrift store. It’s a black t-shirt with the Iowa Hawkeyes logo on it and underneath in bold, yellow letters it says “CORNFED”. Hilarious.